Big Week

I've been feeling so blah since Friday, and haven't been able to figure out why.  Today has been even more weird.  I'm so sore and achy, yet I have a restless energy.  I don't want to do anything, but I have to do something.  Even breathing is hard to do.  At times I feel like I'm suffocating.  I have to take deep breaths and try to relax just to get oxygen into my lungs.  I don't feel like talking.  I can't concentrate.  And everything hurts to move.  H1N1?

Finally it dawned on me. 

This week is a BIG week.  The judges will start filtering back in this week, and while I don't expect a call regarding our court assignment, just knowing that they are there and potentially even touching my dossier fills me with so many mixed emotions.  And I guess I could get a call theoretically, but I doubt it.  This week is also THE week for the house.  Make it or break it.  Do or die.  If this last option doesn't work for us, we're done.  We'll either be big fat failures with our tails tucked between our legs (and heading back to Minnesota??), or we'll be starting the home construction process. 

One simple answer: yes or no.  Do we have a home, or do we start over?  Again.

I don't remember a time when my life hung in the balance quite this much, with the outcome so uncertain, and so out of my control.  To build, or not to build...